St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out and he left.”

The couple sat and waited for an answer… for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? ‘What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?’ Another month passed.

St. Peter finally returned looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informed the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’

‘Great!’ said the couple. ‘But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’

St. Peter red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple.

‘OH, COME ON!!!’ St. Peter shouted. ‘It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer!

****************

Forwarded from the internet

And, let me know what you think of homeschooling.  Good?  Bad? ‘Orrible?  I’d be interested to know how many of you were home-schooled.

As I read the Gospel records of the life and ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am often struck by the way our Lord responded to the questions and teachings of the Pharisees.  I find them one of the most striking groups in the time of Christ’s ministry.  I sometimes wonder how we would see them if they existed in our day under a more respectable moniker.

It fascinates me that the people in that day who had a reputation for knowing and revering the Scriptures above anyone else were the ones whom Jesus most virulently condemned.  These were the people who had the highest standard of behaviour among God’s people, Israel.  They would be viewed as the ultra-conservative.  Fundamentalist Jews, if you will.  They were passionate about standards of behaviour, dress, and cleanliness.  They expended great efforts in proselytizing even if it was only to have one convert who would join them.  And having accomplished that, they would succeed also in reshaping his life into the same respectable standard that they espoused.  What great energy exerted in fashioning their lives into a nearly flawless image!

Yet Christ warned His disciples not to be like them.  Imagine a Christian who looked like they never did anything wrong, dressed right, acted right, and went to great lengths to bring people to church.  We’d be shocked if Christ showed up and said, “Watch out for that guy!  Do not be like him.”  Yet there is a huge danger in conformity instead of conversion.  The adorning of our outwardness is not as vital as the hidden man of the heart.  Many of the things the Pharisees were doing were outwardly good, but inwardly vile because of a wrong heart.  Don’t think you’re so special just because everybody else does!  Let us come to God and say “search… and see if there be any wicked way in me.”  O Lord, when you look deep inside may my inner man not show Pharisee, but a disciple!

Pastor Paul Gibbesh

-Nathan D. Jones, Rankin Inlet, NU, Canada

As a fellow church planter/missionary, I agree wholeheartedly with Bro. Jones.  We also have felt the need and seen the benefits of doing it the Bible way.  Consider it!  YOU could be his answer to prayer!

There, I said it.  I’m not sure I have ever brought myself to say it quite like that before.  It feels good to get that off my chest.  It’s not something one is supposed to say, or even think.  Maybe some would think I’m some kind of radical, nut-job wacko for saying it.  Please let me share some of the thoughts that brought me here.

1. At Christmastime ask any kid you like, even Christian kids, who it is that sees and knows every good or bad thing kids do, who brings kids good gifts if they are good and nothing if they are bad, whom they never see, and who lives in a far away place they have never visited.  How many do you think will answer with “Jesus” instead of “Santa?”  The parallels between the two are shocking.  Considering that Christmas is all about Christ, it seems suspect that the next most popular Christmas figure is nearly a direct replacement for Jesus Christ in the minds of children who have been indoctrinated with the Santa myth.
2. The story of the jolly old elf coming with gifts is a lie.  Do I need to add to that?  Why should parents lie to their children?  Is not the truth of Christmas more wonderful than the hoax of Santa Claus?  With the previous point in view, do you think that children will still believe in Jesus after they have been undeceived regarding the silliness of that whole Santa thing; after they have realized that their own parents have lied to them their whole lives?
3. In connection with the previous thought, I despise being expected to hide the truth.  Someone is viewed as a bad person if they tell a child that Santa isn’t real.  Why should telling the truth ever be such a dastardly crime?  It’s bad enough that the rest of our society lies to their children, but I refuse to be coerced into complicity.
4. Santa is a false god.  Yup, you read that rightly.  Parents are teaching their children that if they want something good they should ask Santa for it.  And when they get it they are going to thank him for it instead of thanking the real source.  I don’t know how that sounds to you, but to me it sounds like praying to a “magical” being that doesn’t really exist.  Sounds like idolatry to me.

I hate it when the world substitutes their own ideas for Christ.  I hate lying.  I hate the suppression of truth.  I hate idolatry.  I hate Santa Claus.

Pastor Paul Gibbesh

In the time of John and Charles Wesley, Epworth was much like any other English village.  As I was going through some history today I was reminded of what I learned of Epworth when I was there half a dozen years ago.  The Wesley boys grew up in an England much different than what we think of when we picture England of their day.  We picture a very religiously centred society with high morals and pure standards of living.  However the truth needs a little clarity.  What we imagine they grew up in is more like what they died in.  When they were growing up, England had become a place of rank ungodliness among the people.  Sure there were churches; their father was a minister.  But these churches had a form of godliness without any power.  The common man was mired in immorality.  Beer and ale were the universal beverages.  Drunkenness was commonplace.  Violence naturally followed.  Was it always like that?  No, there had been significant spiritual strength less than a hundred years before.  Things had reached a state where if something did not change, their society would face total collapse and anarchy.

Sound familiar?  I am shocked by the parallel between 18^th century England and 21^st century Canada.  Immorality is so rampant that standards of decency, chastity, and propriety are more often mocked than mimicked.  Alcohol consumption has reached the point that I don’t think I know anyone who abstains without strong religious or medical reasons (and even some who have these reasons partake anyways).  We are surrounded by churches bereft of the power of God.  Yet, the more I look at the similarities, the more I am struck by the fact that in such a time as this God sent revival.  During the lives of the Wesleys there was a mighty upheaval of their land through the power of God.  So mighty was the change that it inevitably spread to other countries as well.  By the time these men of faith had passed off the scene things were so shaken that the repercussions are still being felt today, nearly three hundred years later.

And so, I say, it is time.  It is time for men of God to shake off the formalism and fashion of religious exercise and take up their crosses to follow Him.  It is time for saints to shake off their love for the world and develop a love for witnessing.  It is time for us to stop talking about what we are doing and start testifying about what Almighty God is doing.  It is time for a great awakening.  It is time for purging.  It is time for revival!

Pastor Paul Gibbesh

Pastor Paul Gibbesh

• Let your supreme motive be to increase your own popularity — then, of course, your preaching will be suited for that purpose, and not to convert souls to Christ.

• Avoid preaching doctrines that are offensive to the carnal mind, lest they should say to you, as they did to Christ, “This is a hard saying, who can hear it?”

• Make no distinct points, and do not disturb the consciences of your hearers, lest they become alarmed about their souls.

• Avoid all illustrations, repetitions, and emphatic sentences that may compel your people to remember what you say.

• Avoid all heat and earnestness in your delivery, lest you make the impression that you really believe what you say.

• Address the emotions, and not the conscience, of your hearers.

• Be careful not to testify from your own experiences of the power of the Gospel, lest you should produce the conviction upon your hearers that you have something which they need.

• Do not awaken uncomfortable memories by reminding your listeners of their past sins.

• Denounce sin in general, but make no reference to the specific sins of your present audience.

• Do not make the impression that God commands your listeners here and now to obey the truth.  Do not let them think that you expect them to commit themselves right on the spot to give their hearts to God.

• Leave the impression that they are expected to go away in their sins, and to consider the matter at their convenience.

• Dwell much upon their inability to obey, and leave the impression that they must wait for God to change their natures.

• Preach salvation by grace, but ignore the condemned and lost condition of the sinner, lest he should understand what you mean by grace, and feel his need of it.

• Preach the Gospel as a remedy, but conceal or ignore the fatal disease of the sinner.

• Do not speak of the spirituality of God’s holy law (by which comes the knowledge of sin), lest the sinner should see his lost condition and flee from the wrath to come.

• Make no appeals to the fears of sinners, but leave the impression that they have no reason to fear.

• Preach Christ as an infinite amiable and good-natured being, but ignore those scathing rebukes of sinners and hypocrites which so often made his hearers tremble.

• Admit, either obviously or casually, that all men have some moral goodness in them, lest sinners should understand that they need a radical change of heart, from sin to holiness.

• Say so little of hell that your people will think that you do not believe in its existence yourself.

• Make the impression that, if God is as good as you are, He could not send anyone to hell.

• Make no disagreeable references to the teachings of self denial, cross bearing, and crucifixion to the world, lest you should convict and convert some of your church members.

• Do not rebuke the worldly tendencies of the church, lest you should hurt their feelings, and finally convert some of them.

• Do not rebuke extravagance in dress, lest you should make an uncomfortable impression on your vain and worldly church members.

• Encourage lots of church socials, and attend them yourself.

• Make it your great aim to be personally popular with all classes of your hearers.

• Aim to make your hearers pleased with themselves and pleased with you, and be careful especially not to wound the feelings of anyone.

• Especially avoid preaching to those who are present.  Preach about sinners, but not to them.  Say “they,” and not “you,” lest anyone should take your subject personally and apply it to their own life, securing the salvation of their soul.

(With thanks to David Harness Jr.  Nice Find!)

1. A fire needs dry wood suitable for burning.  It is difficult to burn green, unseasoned wood.  Likewise, it is difficult for a church to be warm toward each other and God without a certain amount of Christian maturity. In 1 Corinthians 3:1-3, Paul tells the church at Corinth that they were carnal, baby Christians whose lack of maturity was shown in their divisions and lack of love one toward another.   1 Corinthians 3:1  And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ.
2. A fire needs a solid base.  One of the most effective means of starting fires is to use several larger sticks as a base.  This provides insulation from cold or wet ground, and serves as a reflector to intensify the heat. Colossians 2:7  Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.
3. Fires need progressively larger fuel.  It is imperative as a church that we never forget that the grand doctrines are built on simple faith, and simple facts.  It is also essential that we not forget the new Christians, who often follow Christ quickly but burn out without assistance from others.  Yet at the same time, we must keep learning. Hebrews 5:12  For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. Are we growing, or are we content with where we are?
4. Fires need wood in close proximity to each other.  To burn properly, firewood must be close to each other.  In practice, sticks need to be laid about one inch apart.  That way, the fire warms several sticks at the same time, and as one starts to burn, it intensifies the burning of its neighbour.  In our personal relationships, how close are we to other members of the church?  Are we trying to keep a fire hot on our own, or are we getting involved in other’s lives, helping them to burn brighter?  1 Corinthians 11:18  For first of all, when ye come together in the church, I hear that there be divisions among you; and I partly believe it. It is imperative that members of a church are involved in each other’s lives on a regular basis.  Interaction at services is NOT enough!  We need to emulate the disciples in Acts 2:44-46, who were visiting each other, eating together, and sharing all things.  Build relationships beyond the pews.
5. A fire must have an adequate air supply. Just as a fire must have sufficient air, so the Christian and the church must have great quantities of the Spirit of God.   We can become so concerned with external forms that we quench the Spirit of God.  Standards, order, and structure are important, yet without the moving of “God’s breath”, the fire will smoke and smother itself.
6. The best campfires are built within reflecting walls.  Without stretching the analogy too much, the best heart-fires are built within the walls of the church.  Hebrews 10:25  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

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Originally filed as “Proof women are born this way”